Apples of Gold

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I fainted had unless the Lord


I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:13 & 14

I have not felt much like writing this last while as I have felt a dearth in my soul that made me fear that any writing done would pull others down with me. I have been aware for a number of weeks now of certain changes taking place in my life and they seem to be happening outwith my control.

Uncertainty and no real sense of direction troubled me and I felt bereft of comfort or guidance. I sensed a new start and a new direction and I wanted it all to happen yesterday!! The monotony of endless waiting can crush a soul and I felt abandoned in many ways. I was hemmed in all directions with life seeming like an endless maze. I was fainting!

It can be perplexing when there seems to be no purpose in our lives and I had a real sense of foreboding as to what the future had in store for me. The more I waited the more impatient I became with frustration always knocking at the door. I was growing weaker and weaker in my faith and darkness was slowly enveloping me. I wanted to do something yet I did not know what. I desperately wanted things to happen, yet I was unsure of what these things were.

I did not know what to pray for and to be honest I just did not know what I wanted to do with my life, never mind what God wanted me to do. I was confused and in a spiritual daze. I did not feel like communicating with people and I spent much of my time wandering aimlessly in no mans land. I had given up on anything happening so I was taken aback by a phone call from a brother in Christ last night.

I always enjoy his fellowship, but last night the Lord used him in a special way to lift me up out of the mire that my soul was in. I cannot remember when I felt as encouraged as I did last night. There was a glimmer of hope. Was there light at the end of the tunnel?

Dare I expect great things? Do I have the courage left to hope for better days or am I in for even more disappointments? God does all things decently and in order. He uses men and He uses means. He does great things for those expecting great things. Today, after so long a time I am at last expecting my God to do great things. He knoweth the way that I take and He does all things well. This expectation is from above.  Why then am I so fearful? Is anyone strong after fainting?

He has encouraged me when I least expected it, yet when I needed encouraging the most. I pray that you may be blessed in like manner today. O to be still and obedient under the Master's guidance. To be a ready and willing servant in the courts of the King.


Another wrote on the same text:-

How great is the temptation at this point! How the soul sinks, the heart grows sick, and the faith staggers under the keen trials and testings which come into our lives in times of special bereavement and suffering.

I cannot bear up any longer, I am fainting under this providence. What shall I do? God tells me not to faint. But what can one do when he is fainting?

What do you do when you are fainting physically? You cannot do anything. You cease from your own doings. In your faintness, you fall upon the shoulder of some strong loved one. You lean hard. You rest. You lie still and trust.

It is so when we are tempted to faint under affliction. Gods message to us is not, Be strong and of a good courage, for He knows our strength and courage have fled away. But it is that sweet word, Be still, and know that I am God.

Hudson Taylor was so feeble in the closing months of his life that he wrote a dear friend: I am so weak I cannot write; I cannot read my Bible; I cannot even pray. I can only lie still in Gods arms like a little child, and trust.

This wondrous man of God with all his spiritual power came to a place of physical suffering and weakness where he could only lie still and trust.

And that is all God asks of you. His dear child, when you grow faint in the fierce fires of affliction. Do not try to be strong. Just be still and know that He is God, and will sustain you, and bring you through.