Apples of Gold

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Reeling to and Fro

‘They mount to heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of trouble. They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wit’s end. Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven. Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!’

Psalm 107 Verse 26 – 31

O for a more consistent and closer walk with my God!

O for more consistent pain relief!

Two statements I made this morning as I crawled out of my bed, scared to face what the day had in store. So different to the last time I hit this same keyboard, yet such is the nature of my Christian walk in this world. Why should my life be any different to those mentioned by the Psalmist?

If I mounted to the heights earlier in the week then my soul this morning is in the depths and at wit’s end corner. There is no point in listing my complaints and moans as they may be so very different from yours, yet I am sure that if you are a child of God reading this then you will also have experienced the highs as well as the lows in your walk.

My daughter remarked as she looked out of the window this morning, ‘Da, why is there such a change in the weather today?’ Yesterday, it was bright, dry, warm  we had blue skies and the sun was shining. Today the contrast is stark! Dull, damp, cold and very grey skies, blotting out any sign of the sun - just like myself!

It seems that my walk is as changeable as the weather and just as unpredictable.

Why is this so?

Am I so different that what I preach on one day I fail put into practice the next day? Surely there is a case for me to withdraw from what I am doing and to stop writing on this site? Would it be better if my life were a dull and boring level playing field? Would it not be a much better witness if I had a steady more reliable and constant walk with my God?

Would my witness be better if I were perfect and able to comply with the encouragements that I give to others? Well, my life is far from perfect and the one desire I have always had for this website and for my walk in general is that I be a means of encouragement to my brothers and sisters in Christ. O how I fail!

If that means that One day I can talk about the heights and the next day I can talk just as openly and honestly about the depths then so be it. My experiences may not reflect your condition today, however there may come a time when someone will read this and realise that they are not unique in their walk. That alone can prove a comfort to a needy soul.

So what has changed?

Has God changed?

No, but I have changed and I confess that unbelief and fears have come into my soul like a flood. They numb my soul and block my path. Instead of standing in the place where perfect love casts out fear, where truth met with mercy and righteousness and peace kissed mutually. I stand in a mire that threatens to overwhelm me at any moment.

I felt so stressed out by my condition this morning that instead of seeking the Lord in earnest I could only hold my Bible and shake my head in dismay. Wit’s end corner is not a pleasant place to be and I would hasten my own deliverance if I could, but I find that my strength has ebbed away as quickly and as surely as the tide.

How can you be strong and courageous when you are reeling and staggering like a drunk? You cannot!

Soon a realisation dawns that all things in my life are outwith my control and that is what makes this walk of faith at times so difficult. I would much rather, or should I say, it would be far more comforting to hold my destiny in my own hands rather than to rely upon a Word from the Bible.

It is the unknown of the life of faith that frightens so much. It is total and absolute dependence upon God. It is great when I can see His smiling face but not so great when I view a frowning Father.

It is my sin and the sinfulness of my nature that makes me dread what may lie ahead. Surely there must come a time when God says to me, ‘enough is enough, I have pardoned you time without end, yet still you fail and disappoint Me!’

The above is my own reasoning and not faith!

You know, if it was not for myself then everything would be fine!

I make such a mess of things and I am so inconsistent that I cannot help wondering why God bothers with me at all. It is perhaps in such situations that I realise the unerring and endless patience of God. His mercy is new every morning and I have to keep reminding myself not to be my own judge!

I look in and examine myself and I cringe at what I see. I must look outward and upward for my salvation. If I commit my way to God each day then I must accept that He is in complete control and that He knows the way that I take. I must not be tempted to interfere simply because God is not working at my pace and according to my timetable.

This endless waiting takes its toll and wears me down. I must persevere for God has promised good to Israel. God asks me to be patient so that in His time and way I will behold His goodness unto the children of men, but my impatience rebels and seeks results and answers now!

It is all part of the spiritual adventure that I am on. I may get deliverance today in a way and manner beyond my expectations or I may have to wait even longer. Only God knows what lies ahead for me and for you. It is a case of wait and see, but wait and see in faith, not in fear!

I had no thoughts this morning of writing anything today until I read the following words from my Bible:-

‘Arise therefore and be doing, and the Lord be with thee.’ 1 Chronicles Chapter 22 Verse 16.

What a poor example of ‘a godly man’ I am!